Aftermath
by nightowl8240
Summary: The aftermath of the day was neither celebratory nor sorrowful; just full of need and something elusive that both women are afraid to define. Set after 7.10
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Aftermath

**Author:** nightowl8240

**Rating:** PG-13

**Disclaimer:** The characters created by James Duff and Michael M. Robin and belong to TNT.

**Summary:** The aftermath of the day was neither celebratory nor sorrowful; just full of need and something elusive that both women are afraid to define. Set after 7.10

**Notes:** Let's be honest- so many of us want to see Sharon Raydor drunk. This is my version, reviews greatly appreciated.

"Ah don't know why ya wear such tight shoes if they make your feet hurt so much. You would look good in any shoes" Brenda says her voice sounding very twangy. She says it very seriously, not looking up from slowly rubbing Sharon's bare foot. Having a drunk Chief Johnson giving her a foot massage was not the way she envisioned ending the day yet Sharon Raydor cannot seem to remember why this was a bad idea.

Sharon looks around for Gavin, ready to send a message of panic (and arousal), when she sees him in the same position that he has been for almost an hour. There has been a revolving pool game with now Flynn and Gavin going head to head. Gavin and Andy seem to be the only people staying sober tonight; Brenda has offered to pick up the tab, ensuring everybody celebrating with her always had a drink in their hands.

At first going Ricky's Bar and Grill seemed like a good idea. Ricky's, a well-known bar a couple blocks from the precinct, was a favorite cop hangout. It has always been a trusted place for officers to come and unwind from a hard day. So, when the Chief announced unexpectedly that she wanted to take everyone out for drinks, nobody seemed too upset apart from Agent Howard's tightening of his lips. All of Major Crimes felt that the deserved a night out.

Sharon herself had been tight with stress and worry for the past weeks, afraid of what the outcome of the trail would be. Because even though Sharon did not always agree with the Chief's methods (something that she has always been vocal about), she did not want this woman to lose the career that she cares so much about. And even if the organized and controlled FID training that was in her screamed that Chief Johnson was a liability to the LAPD, the blue blood of a cop told her that Brenda Leigh, "The Closer" tried the hardest to bring the people of LA justice. Sharon could see that it was because Brenda cared so deeply about the victims in her cases that she took such large risks.

But somehow Sharon found herself in a semi-secluded table with far too many drinks in her system to keep her tongue from coming loose. "I like my shoes," says Sharon in a voice tinged with defense. "They make me seem powerful."

Brenda giggles as she brings her drink up to her mouth, causing some to spill over the glass. Sharon feels her body warm up with embarrassment and looks down at her own many empty glasses.

Brenda gives her a smile and continues stroking the soft skin of Sharon's feet. "Ah never thought ah would have the chance to see you relax around me. Ever since Ah heard Gavin saying your name "Sharon" so close-like, on account of you two knowin' each other so long and all, Ah knew that I wanted to really see the real you."

Brenda holds the Captain's legs close and leans forward, saying in a loud whisper "Wanna know how I did it? Gavin and Ah have been trying to get ya drunk all night". Sharon tries to sit up straight giving Brenda a sloppy glare.

"What?" Sharon says sternly. But Brenda just giggles, leans back and puts Sharon's legs back into her lap.

"Ah thought that everybody deserves a couple drinks and a chance to unwind." The blonde gestures to her team with a large, vague hand movement. "Look how relaxed everyone is. Tao and Buzz are talking about…something with computers, Gavin is kicking Andy's behind in pool, and everyone else is watching sports. And you" she says, drawing out the word looking Sharon straight in the eyes "are getting a chance to loosen up with a lovely massage."

Sharon raises her eyebrows as she stares into the warm brown eyes. Brenda holds Sharon's gaze for a brief moment until her eyes become watery and the Chief turns her gaze away. It was then that Sharon decided that she needed to make her questions known.

"Brenda Leigh," she says, the name sounded and wonderful on her lips. "I mean, Chief. I can't help but wonder why you decided to take everyone out for drinks. You have had an exhausting day filled with a near miss with death and prison. Yet you wanted us all to get drunk in a bar? You were so…fervent about us all going out. Even though for awhile you seemed pretty happy with the just the cake at the office. And now even though you hate me, you are touching my feet." Sharon feels too warm in this bar. The TV is blaring, her brain is a little cloudy and her body feels the heat caused by the massage and the alcohol.

Brenda's hands still on Sharon's pale feet as she avoids Sharon's piercing look. She is quiet for a moment but then let's out a choked "What do ya mean? Ah am just celebrating."

Sharon's mind immediately sharpens and she asks "Without Agent Howard? Did something happen?"

Brenda looks up from Sharon's feet and meets green eyes filled with concern. The Chief has a look on her face that is a mixture of sadness and fear and tears begin falling from her eyes. Brenda stands with a jolt, sways greatly, then puts a shaking hand to the wall to balance herself. "Ah need to go to the bathroom" she says as she snatches her drink from the table.

It takes too long for Sharon to put on her ridiculously tall Jimmy Choos and by the time she is able to get up, Brenda has already made it across the crowded bar. Sharon pushes herself off the chair and is thrown off balance by Gavin's strong hands grabbing her shoulders.

"Gavin" says a panicky voice that Sharon can't believe is her own, "I need to see my Brenda Leigh. Something's wrong with her."

Gavin looks over his long time friend and realizes he needs to take control of the situation. "OK, listen up honey. While it is true I have been trying to get you to lighten up at work, hence the excessive hard liquor, you need to remember that she is married. Married! Even though I could see the sexual tension between the two of you from the moment you were in a room together, you cannot take advantage of a drunk girl!" Sharon's eyes become almost comically large and she looks around frantically before putting her finger to his lips.

"Gavin! Shhhhhh!" Sharon says in a loud whisper, leaning a little too close to him. "You know I want to keep my private life private! So be quiet! They already call me the Wicked Witch of the West, I don't need the word Dykey thrown in there!"

Sharon stops for a minute and chuckles as if what she just said caught up to her. "Gavin listen, I need to go help her, there is a reason why she wanted to go out tonight and it's not good or celebratory."

Gavin looks at the woman that he has known for years and can tell by the slight slurring of her words that she is more drunk then he thought. He was worried that her co-workers would see that her finger has been on his lips for the last two minutes and were becoming curious but luckily they were all absorbed in their own conversations. He grabs her arms in hope that she will see reason. "Listen to me, I don't want you to do anything you regret."

A throaty laugh comes from her lips and she takes his hands in hers with a wide goofy grin on her face "Do you think I regret the way she was touching my legs? No," she says seriously, "no regrets on my part."

Gavin watches Sharon walk unsteadily toward the restroom and sees that Andy Flynn has witnessed the whole exchange. He has known Sharon as long as Gavin has and while they haven't been on good terms in a while, he knows how this would probably end. Gavin exchanges a worried glance with his fellow pool player. Andy scratches the back of his neck and remarks quietly "I sure hope they know what they are doing."

Sharon knocks on the restroom door a little frantically, worried that she has left Brenda alone for too long. When she hears a strangled, choked sob on the other side of the door, she doesn't think twice and swings open the door. Brenda is grasping the edge of the sink with tears flowing down her face and sobs tearing through her chest. And while Sharon knew that Gavin's advice was a good thing to follow, she just had to comfort this woman in some way. She grabs Brenda's thin waist and pulls her toward her. Not only does Brenda not fight the embrace but she clutches to Sharon with a desperate strength. Sharon feels her neck becoming wet with Brenda's tears and her own stomach clutching hearing the anguished sobs.

"Shhh it's alright" Sharon mutters calmly into the blonde's ear as she rubs the small of Brenda's back. "I know this lawsuit was hard, but it's over now." This makes Brenda cry harder and increase her hold on the Captain's toned body, as if all her repressed feeling were finally coming out. And while Sharon still wanted her answers, even her drunken mind knew that she had to calm the southern woman down. Sharon rocked her back and forth, listening to the pained sobs becoming quieter and smelling the flowery sent of her soft blonde hair. Brenda eventually quieted down and sat down on the toilet, composing herself. Sharon took the glass that Brenda brought with her, downed the rest of the potent liquor, and filled it up with sink water to give to the blonde. Brenda drank slowly with a shaky hand and Sharon started to stoke her hair.

"Goldman is going to file another suit against me, a federal one. This time he is trying to establish a pattern of…questionable behavior." Brenda swallows thickly but is determined to carry on. "So this must mean there is a leak. And Ah'm afraid that Goldman might actually have a case against me."

Sharon doesn't seem to take long to process the news because her response is quick, her voice is full and deep with emotion "If there is a case, then we will fight it. You are not alone; there are many people who are supporting you."

Brenda lets out a sound that is a cross between a laugh and a sob and stands up suddenly. "Who? Someone who Ah'm closest to, probably someone sitting in this bar right now, is sharing all of mah dirty laundry! And Fritzi didn't even notice how Ah was feeling, he was just upset Ah wanted to go to a bar. Heck, you were the only one who noticed anythang wrong with me." Brenda's voice has gotten extremely high pitched and twaggy and Sharon reacts impulsively, pressing her lips to Brenda's. And suddenly, the warmth that was there has turned to fire and they are burning, burning with pain and desire. Brenda's tongue is trying to dominate Sharon's mouth and Sharon hands are grasping at Brenda's toned body. Brenda moves her mouth to Sharon's neck, pushing the Captain against the tiled wall and sucking beneath the chestnut hair. Sharon is making breathy gasps as the blonde's lips touches her neck.

Sharon feels like she is in some dirty fantasy. She has acknowledged her attraction to the Deputy Chief soon after they met but did not think much would come of it, besides some occasional naughty daydreams. There didn't seem much more then raw tension between them until Sharon profiled her for becoming Chief of Police. It was then that she saw Brenda in a whole new light. Instead seeing Brenda's love for her job as obsessive, she saw it as passionate. She saw the sensitivity that Brenda had for every victim that the Chief tries so hard to hide. She saw how Brenda made Major Crimes such an effective team, perhaps some could call it a family. Yet Sharon tried hard to ignore her feelings and continue on her life as normal. But as their true fights became less and less and playful banter became the replacement, it was increasingly harder. Sharon thought less about fucking Brenda on her desk but more about waking up next to Brenda, having breakfast together.

Then when the lawsuit was filed, Sharon realized that she cared about Brenda more then she thought. There was a deep concern for the Chief that wouldn't go away. It wasn't just desire anymore, wasn't just attraction which was a thought that scared Sharon greatly.

But as Brenda sucks on her neck while unbuttoning her shirt, Sharon can't seem to remember why she was ever scared of this. Her hands are just feeling the soft blonde hair through her fingers while Brenda tried to engulf Sharon completely. Brenda's hands grope her Captain's full breasts cover with black lace and Sharon is giving throaty hums and then little sensual whimpers. The sloppy movements and the messy kisses were results of the drinking and to Sharon it felt oh so wonderful. The aftermath of the day was neither celebratory nor sorrowful; just full of need and something elusive that both women are afraid to define.

A loud knocking on the door startles them and Brenda quickly jumps away from Sharon. "Hello?" Gavin's concerned voice is muffled by the door "Sharon? Brenda?"

Brenda looks at Sharon as if she was woken by a trance; shocked, confused and suddenly feeling too sober. Breathlessly, she says "Ah'm sorry" in a voice laced with despair and panic and opens the door. Gavin's face greets them, all pinched with worry, especially seeing Sharon leaning heavily against the wall with her shirt undone. Brenda is too afraid to see what Sharon looks like so she doesn't give her another glance as she leaves the small room. She doesn't know if she's afraid of seeing Sharon's face full of emotion or if she's afraid that she will completely break Fritz's heart by fucking her Captain Raydor in the restroom of a bar. And if she's entirely honest with herself then she's also afraid that by leaving Sharon hurt and alone right now she will break her own heart and she's doesn't know if she can fight Goldman while feeling so broken.

Gavin lets the teary-eyed blonde pass and shut the door as he makes a beeline for Sharon. She was looking at the closed door with an expression that was a mix of confusion, hurt, concern and even something tender. "Let's get you dressed" he told her softly as she continued to look where Brenda had been.

Sharon's green eyes snap at him, a person who truly knew her as Sharon and not Captain Raydor. She opens her mouth and asks in a heart-rending voice "Why did she leave? Was it me?"

Gavin began carefully rebuttoning her shirt and said "Honey I'm so sorry. I'm going to drive you home, you're really drunk. I should have watched how many drinks Brenda gave you."

Sharon's body which was lax against the wall began to tremble and her voice came out rambling and quivering. "Oh my God, I think I kissed her. Oh my God, I kissed Brenda Leigh Johnson, a superior married female officer." Green eyes become wet with tears of confusion and grief and Gavin quickly takes hold of the situation.

"Sharon, you need to pull yourself together so I can take you home. Andy's taking Brenda home and you two can talk tomorrow. Right now, you have to get yourself under control so you can walk past the boys and get to my car."

Sharon nods shakily and Gavin just hopes that she can keep it together until they reach his car. He knows Sharon always tries to have tight control over all her emotions and he knew that alcohol would make her lose some of that control.

"Oh Sharon," he says in a voice filled with sorrow as he smoothes her hair kindly, "I didn't think you liked her so much. I just wanted you two to get along easier."

Sharon pulls away from him and greatly staggers over to the mirror above the sink and attempts to fix her mascara. "I don't thinks she will ever want to see me again."

Continue?


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Aftermath

**Author:** nightowl8240

**Rating:** PG-13

**Disclaimer:** The characters created by James Duff and Michael M. Robin and belong to TNT.

**Summary:** The aftermath of the day was neither celebratory nor sorrowful; just full of need and something elusive that both women are afraid to define. Set after 7.10

**Notes:** Thank you everyone who reviewed! This is my first fanfic and I'm not really sure where the plot is heading so suggestions and constructive criticism would be greatly greatly appreciated.

In a blur of activity executed by Andy Flynn, Brenda finds herself shepherded out of the bar, buckled in the seat of a car, and riding down the busy LA streets. She doesn't speak as Andy takes care of her; she only wipes the constant wetness on her face, stubbles on her unsteady legs and fights to breathe properly. Brenda finds herself trapped in her traitorous thoughts, the things she never wants to admit to anyone least of all herself.

Brenda's insides were a mess of broken pieces that was supposed to be a human being and she is surprised that everybody can't see it. Daily, Brenda has to try to put together the fragmented pieces of her very existence to form something presentable to the world. She used to be able to accomplish this easily but lately it has been getting more difficult. A tired smile instead of a joyful one. A reluctant kisses instead a loving one. In the place where actual relationships between people were supposed to be there seemed to be only the words ambitions, passion, and career.

Sometimes Brenda feels like she never was never properly taught to get along with others in any sense, platonically or not. She remembers being a girl kindergarten that didn't play house or dolls with the other girls but sat alone coloring by herself. She remembers being a little older punching smart-mouthed boys on the playground. Maybe it was something in her very nature that made it hard for her to form any type of positive connection to another human being, despite how hard people try. And Fritzi just tries and tries to love and accept her as she is but Brenda knows deep down that she will never be what he wants. Whether he leaves tomorrow or 25 years down the road, Brenda is certain he will someday realize what he deserves.

Maybe that's the reason Brenda attached herself to Sharon Raydor, fixated on her in a way. When they first met, Brenda wanted to leave a firm impression of righteousness in her subordinate's mind. She wanted to inform this foreign female officer that any of the underhanded cops working in Internal Affairs were not welcomed in Major Crimes. But then this authoritative, attractive woman struts over to the crime, flicking a luscious mane of hair and Brenda found herself feeling differently about the situation. There was such a large amount of tension in the air between the two ladies that Brenda wasn't sure the cackling between them wouldn't start a fire.

But Brenda now sees what she actually did with this extraordinary woman. She needed her over the recent weeks, needed her as a distraction, needed her desperately to survive. Brenda needed her Captain Raydor to remind her to keep fighting, to keep her putting the shards of herself together. Brenda needs this woman who has been there for her during this whole Goldman mess.

Oh God. Goldman.

The thoughts make her head swim and she curls up in Andy's front seat. He keeps looking over at her, asking her what happened, is she ok while she just nods as she tries to gather her wild emotions.

Maybe Brenda Leigh was an entire mess, personally and professionally. She hurts the people she likes the most by luring them in with her outside persona then not being able to fulfill her promises. How can she be a good person when she knows her insides are so bad? How can she be a good Chief when she's being put on trial, fighting with other departments, and performing her own justice. She is a bad Deputy Chief to Will. A bad wife to Fritz. A bad seducer of Sharon. Not only can she not have any successful relationships, she also has to fight this new law suit and Brenda doesn't think Fritz can take much more of this. Maybe he should finally leave.

What then of Sharon? One of the worst mistakes she has made lately is her behavior tonight, taking advantage of Sharon. She knew on some level what would happen if she kept giving Sharon drinks, if she messaged her lithe feet, and if she went into the bathroom. But oh, the warmth of Sharon as Brenda tasted the smooth neck beneath pale ears. The feel of the thick chestnut hair and Sharon's peaked breasts. Sharon's body seemed so willing for Brenda and Brenda had wanted and needed her Captain for so long.

She shifts in the seat, trying to quell the heat and wetness between her legs and the nausea in her stomach. All of her fears and worries are mixing with the alcohol and her upset stomach is threatening to blow. The world outside the car tilts and spins and Brenda takes short sips of air, fighting queasiness with every breath. Her palms are clammy and as she wipes her brow she finds it moist with sweat. She tries to bring down her rapid heartbeat, tries to think of anything that's not Sharon, or Goldman, or Fritzi as she lifts her hair off the base of her neck. The motion brings bile to the back of her throat that she tries to swallow back and all she can think of is how her actions have destroyed everything.

"Oh God, Andy pull over."

Flynn wastes no time and when he comes to a stop in an empty parking lot, Brenda swings open the door and is throwing up all the awfulness of the day. When she finishes heaving, she closes the door and sees Andy is giving her one of his popular looks. It looks like empathy mixed with something he's trying to withhold and she doesn't have the strength to pry it out of him. He hands her a napkin from the center console and she wipes her mouth.

Feeling better, she lays her cool arm across her forehead and leans back as they try to get through late night traffic. With the expelling of toxins from her stomach, Brenda's mind settles some. They continue their ride in near silence, with only the rumbling of the car and the low voices on the radio being heard. As they pull into Brenda's neighborhood, Andy turns off the radio with a jerky movement. He inhales deeply before letting out a tired sigh and looks over. Brenda can feel the lecture coming about the sheer destructive things she has done this evening.

"Listen Chief,"

She was right and she waits in silence to be disciplined. Andy fidgets with his coat before continuing.

"This might surprise you but I have known Sharon for a pretty long time and I used to know her very well. I know how to read her emotions, no matter how hard she controls them."

He takes a deep breath before continuing. "I know for a fact that Sharon has had a weird crush on you since one of the first times you worked together."

He looks over to Brenda, maybe expecting some sort of visible reaction. She continues to stare out the window. "And I also know that you have known about it for awhile. I really wish I didn't have to pull this card. But I feel like I have to protect Sharon from you. What are you doing with her? If you knew that she felt certain things about you then why would you tease her? Not only are you fucking around with a subordinate officer, but you are fucking up your marriage which is something I really don't care about but I bet you do."

Brenda is quiet a couple minutes, shame radiating off her in waves. Finally she says in a straggled-like voice, "Do her know her very well?"

"Don't dodge my questions."

Brenda looks over at him, pleasing for him to understand. "Andy…I…I don't know what to do. I just need to think everything out."

"Damn straight. Sharon doesn't need anything like this."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asks Brenda trying to look at his face.

"Nothing. You need to get things taken care of." Andy says as he pulls in the driveway and effectively ending the conversation. "Good night."

Brenda gathers her things and unsteadily climbs out of the car. She saunters up the walkway, fumbles with the lock and makes her way into the house, flopping down on the couch. Tomorrow she will deal with Fritz in their bed, tomorrow she will figure out what to do. But tonight she just wants to be alone on the sofa with her drunken thoughts of her Sharon Raydor.


End file.
